Waves

  As I was sitting on the deck of my Aunt's beach condo, listening to the waves crash upon the sand, God put an image in my mind. I feel like He said swimming in the ocean is like following me.         

                                          WHAT?       

  Then I got this image of all the sea creatures swimming in the calm ocean past the waves and I thought, "What calm ocean"? From my perspective the ocean looks pretty rough with those waves crashing violently on the beach. Not to mention all the hideous creatures that hide beyond those waves - not all of them are hideous, but I was mainly thinking of sharks :). BUT once you brave past the waves that violently crash on the beach and the fear of the creatures that swim past the swells, you reach a point beyond which you never thought you would get to. You get to experience that calm ocean. You know. The one on discovery channel with the seals and dolphins swimming tirelessly. Dangers can still arise, but they don't seem as perilous as before. (Now, mind you. If I found myself in the middle of the ocean for real I might feel a whole lot differently because of my insane fear of sharks, but the image that He gave me was so peaceful!)

Can you see how this is like following God? Here, try this.

  God sees all - your past, present, and future. He has a plan for you that is already mapped out. From His perspective He sees the scary things that you are facing, but He also sees the calm and serenity afterward. He wants us to trust Him to get us to that place. Now, from our perspective we only see those crazy waves that are just waiting to beat us down and imagine all of those hideous creatures that are lurking beyond the surf to attack us. But if we hear God and see that He wants us to follow Him to somewhere past what we can fathom, He is ready to take us somewhere beautiful!

  So I'm here. Looking at the waves and imagining all of the bad things that could happen and all the "What if"s. But God has called me to come and see what He has for me in this new season. Now I have to bulster my bravery and head forth into my unknown and into God's plan.

Need

   I'm surrounded by needy and hurting people every moment that I work. I walk into each of my patients rooms and look into their eyes and see that even if they don't say they are in distress, they are in some way in some sort of distress. Whether it be pain, shock, or fear. And I've realized that I have become numb to it all. I see it, but all I have time to do is walk in, assess, and leave. I see it every day. Every day. And I know that I should be more compassionate and caring (don't get me wrong, I treat all of my patients with a kind spirit and a smile), but it has taken its toll on me after these last 2 1/2 years as an RN. My whole being wants to sit and talk with them, but my managers want me to be efficient with my time. It's a war between my spirit and my flesh.

   What do you say to the person that has just found out that surgery on their heart is not possible and has found out that they might have lung cancer? What do you say to the person that can no longer breathe on their own and is now finding out that they won't live much longer? What do you say?!

   I have such a small amount of time to be with these people, to show them that somebody is actually out there that loves them and is ready to support them. It's exhausting going between being professional and diving into their lives/problems. I guess that's not just my work life but my whole life really. :) I wish that nursing was something more than time and money. I wish that I had one patient that I could look after. One patient to get to know. One patient to find out their fears and worries and try to help them through those things. I wish.

   This post is not to bash nursing or hospitals, but just to point out that there are flaws and I wish that it could change. I would appreciate any and all prayers :) And if you can think of just one person that you know who is sick or in the hospital - try to go see them, call them, or just pray for them. One word of encouragement goes a long way to recovering their hearts and minds!

Realizations of a blind spirit.

Love came down and rescued me

Love came down and set me free

I am yours

I am forever yours

Mountain high or valley low, I sing out and remind my soul

I am yours

I am forever yours!

I am yours, I am yours, I am yours, Jesus I AM YOURS!

I have sung this song by Kari Jobe in my car so many times I cannot count them on my hands. Focusing on the harmony and hitting the accurate notes. Thinking of how amazing her voice is and how I can only dream of sounding like her. Never focusing on the words.

Never, as I sang this song, did I truly realize what I was saying. Until now, while I was lying in my bed listening to Pandora. Love (Jesus) came down to rescue me. To rescue you. To set us free of those things that keep us bound to our aches and pains here on earth. But why is that so hard for me to understand? I think I am afraid to be alone with myself long enough to find out. I know that God has more for me and is waiting for me to finally open up and say - I AM YOURS! To say - I acknowledge your presence and this great LOVE that you have for me and I am ready to walk forward with you leading me in all that I do.

He is so much more than I have ever imagined. He has always been here with me, but for awhile I feel like I let Him slip through my life. That I decided He would be better as a spectator than a participant. BUT He has slowly been creeping in. :) Reappearing when I least expected Him to. Showing me over and over how much His love encompasses my life. I feel this insane need and drive to grow closer to the One who loves me so much that He already came and rescued me - He has set me free!

He has surrounded me with these equally insane people that have blessed my life beyond explanation. Through them I have seen God working in mighty ways in their lives and those lives that they touch. I see God working in them and they in turn respond to his prodding. I want that. I need that. I am His - forever! He won't turn me loose. :) 

Well, I'm saying it now - I acknowledge your presence and this great love that you have for me and I am ready to walk forward with you leading me in all that I do. No more waiting to see God, but whole heartily pursuing Him.

Lookout God... here I come.

Recipe for Relaxation

1. Large garden tub
2. Steaming hot water
3. Lots of bubbles
4. 3-4 good smelling candles
5. Yoga music playing in the background
6. Close eyes and breathe deeply

Fantastically relaxing and hopefully a soon to be ritual.

Late Tidings

I'm laying here. in my bed. listening to worship music and coming to see that I can have a relaxing night without having to turn the tube on and get sucked into whatever is showing this late at night. I have noticed lately how much time that T.V. takes of my days. And funny thing is, most of the time nothing interesting is playing. Then 2 hours later I look at the clock and wonder what I just waisted that time on... but the noise oddly makes me feel that I am not alone. Thus the T.V. tends to be on quite a bit. But I like this relaxing in bed with music. I feel calm...